I can’t stand it.
Why do I become jealous so easily. She’s perfect. She’s skinny, she’s smart, she’s beautiful, She has perfect hair, she has perfect skin, and every single guy flirts with her. She could literally get any guy if she wanted to.
And even when she’s not trying, she’ll attract guys, because she’s “naturally cute” (so i’ve heard).
But why. Why, God, are you punishing me like this? Why does she have to attract every guy, including my guy? It’s not just me. It’s her other good friend. Every guy she had liked, THIS CHICK comes in and steals the show. Now I don’t know if she is aware or unaware of this, but that’s what happens. And in the end, the boy never likes you. The boy forgets about you. And soon you have deal with it and forget him too.
It’s really frustrating. For once, when my academics, my home situation, personal situation, and social situation aren’t going well, I thought I had something—someone to lean on; someone I could talk to about the most random things. Now, he hasn’t even replied to my messages in over a week (that might not sound like a lot of time, but we used to constantly message each other). We haven’t had any other type of interaction. I mean, we’re seeing each other next week for this Thanksgiving dinner. But guess who’s going to be there.. and guess who partially planned for him being there. Yup. Same person. I know I should be happy that she did that (because me and him, we rarely get to see each other), but honestly I don’t. I just don’t.
This girl just ended a semi-relationship with a boy she cared for a lot. She’s hurt. And I just don’t want her to get close to something that’s mine. I know I can’t really own him but isn’t there some sort of dibs rule in the girl world? I don’t want him to be a rebound for her.
Sometimes, I am willing to give him up. I am willing to tell her to go after him.. that it’s okay and that I won’t feel any pain and that I’m totally for the idea of them being together. Which I can see. I mean, they look good together, he is attracted to her, she is attracted to him, they go to the same school, they have many mutual friends, and every week, it seems as if though they are talking more and more. Who am I to be the one stopping them from each other?
But other times, I just want to cry. I want to listen to sad music and cry. Which is what is occurring right now. I deserve better than this.
I look back at all the guys I’ve liked. There was maybe one who I may have truly thought I had a chance with..but was broken by another girl who was better. They are both happily together. And i’m happy for them, honestly. I don’t like him anymore. But I just wish I knew how it felt to like someone that much.
Even now, I have doubts about liking this current guy
But again, looking back at all the guys i’ve liked, there is always something in the way from being together.. which is why I have come to this point: I have never been in a relationship. Yes, I still dream about how my first kiss will be. I still dream about how my first date will go. I do all of this while my friends are out there being in relationships. And I’m here without someone to share my secrets with and experience with. But no. I am alone. And I don’t necessarily mind being alone. It just gets kind of lonely at times.
I don’t know. I’m just really bad at expressing my feelings. And the fact that I feel a lot doesn’t really help.
I’m so fucking pissed off at the moment.
Everything in my life is fucking falling apart. And on top of that, I have a math test tomorrow which I have barely studied for and I have a C in that class.
I know I sound like an incompetent bitch for whining about her problems, but this is serious shit. I feel like my head is about to burst.
Some people just really need to get their act together.
Also, people need to stop bailing on me.
Ugh. Just ugh.
Please give some constructive criticism :)
http://helloenchantment.tumblr.com/post/11048823255
http://helloenchantment.tumblr.com/ask
http://helloenchantment.tumblr.com/ask
http://helloenchantment.tumblr.com/ask
The yellow cab.
Submerge me into the water.
Push me off the cliff.
Let me fall.
Let me fall.
Let me fall.
Submerge me into the water.
Push me off the cliff.
Let me fall.
Let me fall.
Let me fall.
There’s a ringing in my ear.
My heart has missed the train.
My heart is late for work.
My heart has tripped over the curb.
My heart sits at home.
My heart contemplates. And contemplates. And contemplates.
There. I’m done.
Just let me fall.
Surely, the seventh time should do the trick.
NO! But wait…
Hope thinks. And thinks. And acts.
Hope rings my heart’s doorbell.
Hope helps my heart up and picks up the scattered papers.
Hope calls my heart’s boss, bombarding him with excuses.
And then, you would assume that now Hope buys my heart another train ticket.
You are wrong.
Hope calls the cab. The yellow cab.
There. Hope is done.
Oh No! by Marina & The Diamonds
‘Cause I feel like I’m the worst
So I always act like I’m the best
(Source: felldowntherabbithole)
I feel so sad right now.
I made a post on my other blog about how I’m always out of the loop and that my friends never tell me anything. And WHADDYA KNOW? All of my friends reblog that post. As if they feel left out. It just makes me so mad. I’m the one here alone with barely anyone to talk to, and you guys are usually the ones who keep tabs with everyone. AND YOU THINK YOU FEEL OUT OF THE LOOP. EVERYONE tells you EVERYTHING. I’m always the last one to know about things.. Like wtf.
AND THEN.. you three just go on and be best friends without me?! and tell each other secrets!?! and tell each other how much you love each other?! WTFWTFWTF.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s me who’s the problem.. I don’t make the effort to be a good friend.
I don’t know. I just don’t know. :/
